Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing
Double-click to start typing

Joyce Putnam Eblen
Author, Speaker, Humorist

Subtitle

Blog

Another Sign of the Coming Apocalypse

Posted on February 9, 2017 at 2:05 PM

WARNING:  This product contains satire.  Discontinue reading if it causes you to break out in hives or go into apoplectic fits.

     Another hallowed and age-old tradition has fallen to the rising tide of post-modern trendiness.  I should have seen this coming when the Ringling Brothers circus retired its elephants.  However, I was caught up in what I thought were far weightier matters such as the Cubs winning the World Series, the November elections, and Mariah Carey's New Year's Eve performance (or non-performance, as the case may be).  How could I have been so blind?  Why didn't I see the warning signs?

     Cats will now be part of the Westminster Dog Show.  After years of being relegated to their own cat shows, they have now been granted a place at the Meet the Breed event.  Admittedly, this is a very small beginning--quite literally, just a bone thrown to them from under the table.  Nevertheless, it is a significant start.  

     I had known, of course, that our country, and indeed the entire world, has long been deeply divided between dog owners and cat owners.  In my own small way, I have tried to bridge that chasm.  At one time, I owned pets of both persuasions.  I did not stand alone.  Some of my best friends also joined the movement, housing and feeding both types of animals.  It wasn't easy, but we thought we were making a difference.

     The dogs seemed content enough with their daily walks and regular meals.  But our cat always had a vague air of discontent about her.  That may have been because she was outnumbered.   We had two dogs and only one cat, so she felt marginalized from the very beginning.  The dogs held a two to one majority and outvoted her in every major decision.

     Our cat never said anything.   Only now do I recall signs of a simmering hostility that would one day boil over into a violent rage.  We had placed her food bowl on an upper bookshelf near our computer.  That way, she could easily climb up to the bowl, but our dachshund could not.  (As you may know,  dachshunds will eat anything--whether it's theirs or not, or even whether it's food or not.)

     We thought we were helping, but our cat must have resented that we were treating her differently from the rest of society.  Anytime I sat down to work at the computer, she would begin to throw her food pellets on me.  At first I thought this was accidental, but I now realize that the only way she could express her true feelings was to shower me with cat food.  I shudder to think what she might have done if we had had guns in the house.

     There are those who suggest that the recent reports of unruly cats marching in the streets of cities throughout our land are just "fake news".  They say that the recent acts of violence done by a few cats--the clawed furniture, the overturned knick-knacks, etc.--were instigated by a small group of outside agitators, perhaps disgruntled postal workers eager to seek revenge against certain negligent dog owners on their respective mail routes.

     The evidence suggest otherwise.  Disenfranchised cats have been hidden for many years in the back alleys of our neighborhoods, lurking near fish markets, garbage dumps, and even the finest restaurants.  We have ignored them far too long.  Life on the streets without education and jobs has finally taken its toll.  Cats are rising up. Today they merely are making an appearance at Westminster's Meet the Breed event, but some day in the future, they may be actually competing in the Westminster Dog AND Cat Show!  Will we be ready?